By Paul Skidmore III, HIllsborough County, FL
I Stopped Chasing the Idea of a Perfect Parent
If you had asked me before I became a father what kind of parent I wanted to be, I probably would have described someone who always had the right answer. I imagined a dad who knew exactly what to say, how to solve every problem, and how to prepare his kids for anything life could throw at them.
The reality has been very different.
Parenting has a way of exposing the parts of yourself you still need to work on. It doesn’t matter how confident you are at work or how much life experience you have. Your kids will eventually ask questions you can’t answer, test your patience, and remind you that they don’t need perfection nearly as much as they need consistency.
That realization didn’t happen overnight. It came from years of making mistakes, second-guessing myself, and wondering if I was doing enough. I’ve learned that most parents carry those thoughts around, even if they don’t talk about them very often.
The older my kids get, the more convinced I am that showing up matters far more than trying to create the image of being the perfect parent.
My Childhood Shaped Me, but It Didn’t Have to Define Me
I grew up in Tampa with hardworking parents who gave my sister and me a good life. Like many families, both of my parents worked, which meant I spent plenty of time learning how to take care of myself. Looking back, I don’t see those years negatively. Being a latchkey kid taught me independence, responsibility, and how to solve problems on my own.
At the same time, I also recognize that there were things I had to figure out through experience because nobody had walked me through them.
When I became a father, I found myself thinking about those gaps more than I expected. There were moments when I caught myself asking whether I was repeating patterns simply because they were familiar. Other times I realized I had the opportunity to create something different for my own children.
That doesn’t mean trying to erase my upbringing. It means building on the good parts while being honest about the areas where I can do better.
Presence Looks Different Than Perfection
There have been days when I’ve questioned whether I was giving my kids enough.
Was I working too much?
Did I miss an opportunity to have an important conversation?
Should I have handled that disagreement differently?
Those questions don’t disappear, no matter how old your children are.
What I’ve come to understand is that presence isn’t measured by never making mistakes. It’s measured by continuing to come back.
Sometimes showing up means sitting in the stands for a school event after a long day at work.
Sometimes it means volunteering at their school because I want them to know their education matters to me.
Sometimes it means putting my phone away and simply listening, even when I don’t completely understand what they’re trying to tell me.
Those moments aren’t dramatic, but they build trust over time.
Children notice consistency far more than parents often realize.
Learning Alongside My Child
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a father came after one of my children was diagnosed with autism.
At first, I found myself asking questions that many parents probably ask. Was I doing enough? What didn’t I know? How could I be a better advocate?
I quickly realized that pretending I already had the answers wasn’t helping anyone.
Instead, I started learning.
I read more. I listened to people with firsthand experience. I paid closer attention to how my child experienced situations that I might have overlooked before.
That process changed me as much as it helped my child.
It reminded me that parenting isn’t about proving what you know. It’s about being willing to keep learning because your child deserves your best effort.
There are still days when I don’t get everything right. There are still moments when I wish I had handled something differently. But I’ve stopped believing that every mistake defines me.
What matters is whether I’m willing to learn from it.
The Small Moments Usually Matter the Most
When people think about parenting, they often imagine the major milestones.
Graduations.
Championship games.
Birthdays.
Those moments are special, but they aren’t what make up most of family life.
Most of parenting happens in ordinary moments.
Driving to school.
Eating dinner together.
Talking after a difficult day.
Helping with homework.
Laughing over something completely unexpected.
Those ordinary days are where relationships are built.
I’ve learned not to underestimate them. Children don’t always remember expensive vacations or perfectly planned events. They remember whether they felt safe, supported, and loved.
That’s something every parent can give, regardless of their circumstances.
Trying to Raise Better Men
One of the goals I’ve always had is simple.
I want my children to become better men than I was at their age.
That doesn’t mean I expect perfection from them either.
I want them to be honest enough to admit mistakes.
Strong enough to stand up for what’s right.
Compassionate enough to help people who need it.
Curious enough to keep learning.
If they develop those qualities, I’ll consider myself successful regardless of what careers they choose.
Children learn much more from watching us than listening to us.
If I tell them to be kind but don’t treat others with respect, they’ll notice.
If I tell them to work hard but avoid responsibility myself, they’ll notice that too.
Parenting has made me far more aware of the example I set every day.
The Legacy I Care About Most
I’ve worked different jobs throughout my life, from bartending for many years to building a career in sales. Those experiences have taught me valuable lessons about people, responsibility, and perseverance.
But none of those roles matter to me as much as being a father.
Long after my career is over, my children will remember how I made them feel. They’ll remember whether I kept my word, whether I was present when they needed me, and whether I continued showing up even when life became difficult.
That’s the legacy I care about most.
I’ve stopped trying to be the perfect parent because I’ve realized perfection isn’t something children are looking for. They aren’t keeping score of every mistake or expecting flawless decisions. They’re looking for someone who loves them enough to stay engaged, admit when they’re wrong, and keep trying every single day.
For me, that’s what parenting has become. It isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about choosing, over and over again, to be present. Some days that comes easily. Other days it takes more effort. Either way, I believe showing up consistently leaves a far greater impact than trying to appear perfect ever could.